Life Lessons

1. Love yourself first and foremost. 2. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours, if not; it was never meant to be.

Hollywood Nights

Can't not play or hear the song "Hollywood Nights" by Bob Seger ...and NOT smile or thing of my dad...was at my dad's visitation..feeling very sad and overwhelmed...dad's visitation was at my church....then....I hear something....the music over the speaker playing in the background..it's this sound..i smile and laugh to myself...the line is out the door....over 300 people showed that night..cat workers...factory workers...worked with steal...hot, sweat..came as they were...we didn't care...a true testament to the man was my dad was...it goes through my mind it was the one on and only time that I would probably ever hear this song come out over the church audio system....all pure Skip....it made me smile...and this song got me through that night...and somehow....on those days....when I need an "angel"....those hard times...I will hear this song...Believe what you want....it's my Skipsy...saying to keep my chin up....and give it all I got...and I keep smiling...because Skip wouldn't have it any other way.

Imagine

I have had this on my mind for awhile now and have debated whether or not to write it or not. The subject of Christianity has been on my mind awhile now. With the current Orlando tragedy, there is no time like the present to put this out there, my thoughts on the matter. I was raised to believe in the Bible, believe in the 10 commandments. But that said, there are also the basic commandments to be kind, treat others like you would like other to treat you, work hard, lend a hand when in need, that you can always learn something,have respect for other people, love one another and to not judge others. Those were the other commandments I was taught to believe and do. I am baptized, a saved believer of God and Jesus Christ and have attended the same church for what will be 36 years this Saturday when I reach my 36th birthday. This has been one heck of a year for me, and as I reflect upon what the past 35th year has brought me and what i want for my 36th year, I realize some things are not right. Despite the fact that I am unable to attend Sunday services, that does not make me 'not' a christian. There were lots of times my dad did not attend church. My father always said, just because you sit in the church pews on Sunday does not make you a Christian...and by the same token because you are not in church does not mean you aren't a christian!! My dad always said at the end of the day, it was between you and God. he was the only one who truly knew your heart and who was going to judge you. I wish that were true. Christians judge. There is a list at my church that is published on a monthly basis to pray for people. Nice right? It's called the prayer of salvation list. It's a list of names to pray for people who are not saved/not Christians. I have always thought this to be judgmental, discriminatory and condemning. I have felt there should be a much better way to go about this f we are going to pray for people without naming people. I have never said anything. There was recently a very private nickname of mine that made the list..I know it was not meant for me. However, how do others know that? I really do not care. I know this list was started with the best of intentions, but lately I have learned a LOT of things were "just started with the best of intentions." As Christians, we constantly judge. I had a christian, whom i didn't know, recently say to me she was offended by a rainbow handkerchief that man had in his back pocket of his jeans. She was so proud she was a christian, but she was so scared and ashamed to say who she was. I found that ironic. Maybe perhaps she should not be so quick to condemn or judge the man who was just supporting the events in Orlando, the tragedy. You can never judge a book by it's cover. The woman type cast and judged the man and that was not right. I have a lot of friends who are homosexual who I am proud to say I love as friends very much. While, I am heterosexual; it does not matter to me. As, yes I AM a christian and I was raised to love unconditionally no matter what and not judge....and that is what I will continue to do and treat everyone the same. So, we need to not judge....hate less. This past year, and the recent Orlando tragedy serve as reminders for me to count every day as a blessing.

Something To Believe In

This year has been a tedious one in some ways...and in some ways with some things tonight, I am kind of at my breaking point, at my stopping point, at my limit. When nothing else makes sense, when the world around me is completely crazy and chaotic, I play the song "Something To Believe In" by the music group Poison. Why? There is a line in it that says about needing something to believe in and seeing the sign that says, 'Jesus Saves.' When nothing else makes sense in my life, God has been there for me through the high's and low's of my life. No matter what, God is always there and knows the plan of the journey I am traveling.

"El Camino Moments"

I have found myself wishing for a simpler times of late. In the the song, "Check It Out" by John Mellencamp, one lyric sings "where does the time go?" Where does the time go? As time progresses, society is taught and ingrained that technology is good. I am not arguing that it's not, however, whatever happened to those simpler times? The days of riding with my father in his 1984 white Chevy El Camino with the windows down and our hands dangling out the windows, feeling carefree...the days before being reachable by cell phones in a hot minute...where no one could reach you....it was just you and that person...riding around, having fun...locked in that memory forever. Cell phones are handy things, I have one, but I think sometimes everything can become a bit much in life sometimes and it's good to "power down" and take time for yourself...to have what I would refer to has an "El Camino moment." If I have learned one thing it is that life is but a breath and that we should cherish each precious one we get...and not doubt technology plays an important part for us to stay in touch and helps us capture those important moments, but it's good for us to take a time out...even for ten minutes...power down...get by yourself...look at a sunset, go to a park....have your "El Camino" moment by yourself or with that one you love....as times are short...and we all need that refresher, then get back there and go at that thing called life again and give it all you've got....

I Can't Do That Any More

For awhile now, I have known I have needed to make some long over due changes in my life. I have tendencies to procrastinate, however. Growing up, I have always strived to do the 'right' thing, to please. Maybe it's because I grew up as an only child, I don't know...but for a long while now what I do know is that I have lived to please others: relatives, my parents, friends, even acquaintances. What I have realized lately, what I feel God has been trying to tell me is that: "I Can't Do That Any More." I know deep in my heart that is not healthy for me to continue pleasing others, doing what others want and need me to do. It is not healthy mentally or physically. I think God has been trying to tell me that I need to take care of myself, first and foremost...or I might not be around to be with those I love. In the song, "I Can't Do That Any More" by Faith there is a line in the song that says "I used to dream about what I would be, last night I dreamed about the washing machine." Although, in the song she is referring to a particular relationship she is in with a man, I believe this line in the song can be understood by all. We all have dreams about what we would be, dreams and goals we had, etc. In my case, I used to dream about what I wanted and goals and dreams I had...but somehow along the way of life I lost sight of what those are. Yes I might have a few ideas if you asked me right now, but I had so many dreams and aspirations...and it was not that long ago that I had them...and not only did I have them, I had the will and capability to make those dreams and goals a reality....but as of right now, I would have no idea where to begin. For example:if we were getting together and you asked me where I wanted to go to eat or what I wanted to go do, my reply would be something like this: "I don't care," or "I don't know. What do you want to do?" This has happened numerous times with my mother and it infuriates her that I cannot make a decision or do not have an opinion. I have been so accustomed to being a people pleaser that somehow, I have lost sight of my goals, opinions, aspirations, dreams. Being such a people pleaser has not only affected my emotional well being but my physical well being too. I used to take great care in staying in shape, trying to be healthy. I have even let that go, letting my people pleasing come first and not taking time for my own health...In no circumstances am I blaming others for my people pleasing, I take full responsibity for my actions. However, lately I have began to look at my life: where I've been, where I'm at and where I want and need to be. Health wise, I can't continue to just stay here where I'm currently at: disregarding my emotional and health needs, going on pleasing others. Another line in the song goes, "a woman needs a little something of her own." That is where I am at in my life right now. I need to take time for me, other wise I'm walking dead. I owe it to myself to fight for ME. I realize for the first time in a long while, I have the right to be active enjoying my life....but if I continue on the current path, I know I will never get there. I know taking time for me: emotional and physical health is not going to be an ease journey, but I know "I Can't Do That Anymore"....(what I was doing).....

Glee

I have heard of the famous TV show "Glee". However, I have never watched it or heard it. Despite never having watched the show or heard the Glee cast perform, that did not stop me forming the opinion that I did not like the show nor would I. Same going for their singing: I had already made up my mind that I did not like nor would I. On an evening road trip last night, my best friend started talking about how great the show was and the casts performances as well. He said that he was one who judged too...while he had heard their performances and enjoyed them, he did not anticipate he would ever enjoy watching the show. Now, he is a big Glee fan and watches the show. Out of respect for my best friend, I listened to him prattle on about Glee as we made the journey home from our brief road trip to Magnolia, IL. So excited to share even more about his enjoyment of Glee, my best friend excitedly proceeds to pull out a Glee cd from the inner car console. I inwardly groaned, knowing full well what this meant: listening to the entire cd on the ride home. Quite honestly, I had been enjoying the quite still ride back to Peoria. My best friend and I are have a lot going on so it's quite rare that we get that much alone/down time to catch up and chat. So, when he produced the Glee cd to listen to, I immediately was down hearted thinking that we would be unable to talk, chat and catch up on the car ride home. However, as we progressed home, the Glee cd we listened to was actually quite good. I was surprised, finding myself singing along. It was a beautiful evening: full moon, stars out. Somewhere in the still of that night, as we passed thru the rural country side looking at the Christmas lights as we drove along the open road with the moon stars overhead and Glee cd playing in the background, my best friend and I continued to talk. It occurred to me that we were bonding, memories being made. I also was humbled as somehow I took an important lesson from that experience: to not judge a book by it's cover. Life never ceases to amaze me...how in something so simple as a car ride home with beautiful scenery, good company and the open road that a person can take a lesson from that and be reminded of something they always knew but perhaps needed reminded of.